Guest Contributor, Dick Straight, Views Trainwreck x 2

Greetings,

I was recently invited to follow two 2010 ReUnion Cup members during a preparation round in the last few weeks before the Cup. The only thing clear from my observations is that they both need a lot more preparation. I'm near speechlessness in trying to describe what I saw, much like eyewitnesses to a catastrophic head on train collision.


Addressing Scottie Seven (or Ten) first:

Jumping out as an initial impression is the fact that his mental game is so weak that he failed to drive to the appropriate course, which cost him much needed warm up time on the range. The good news is that he did finally warm up...after twelve holes! I had heard much talk and boasting about how wonderful his range work had been going these last couple of weeks and how he wished the Cup were tomorrow. Well, the range ain't the course, Sally. For twelve holes I couldn't discern any difference from the player I was watching and the notorious Scottie 7 who consistently parks his keester in third place (last if Luna isn't playing). But then the storm clouds parted and little rays of sunshine burst through. His final six holes: par, par, par, quadruple (a minor hiccup), par, bogey. For someone who looked close to catching a taxi on the twelfth hole, his bear down resolve was quite impressive on the home stretch.
During his out of body final leg, he hit crisp wedges that zipped backwards liked trained yo-yos, sank four and five footers for par, and generally looked like someone with golf game to match his trendy, yet classic attire. His most Cup-worthy skill today...putting. I've never seen him start so many balls within eighteen inches of the appropriate line or so confidently sink four to six foot putts. A caveat: he four jacked from seventeen feet.
If I had to come up with one word to describe his game today: SLLOOOOWWWWW! On top of his customary unready snailishness, he now has a preshot routine something akin to a Jedi warrior shadow sparring. Unfortunately, Yoda says the force is weak, very weak, with this one.
His score today: 107.

Addressing Zen-less Primm's performanceless performance:

I've heard talk about this mythical zen-like state of golf awareness that Nick has been searching for. Well, he ain't found it. Maybe it was the fact that due to his coma-like meditative state he overslept and forfeited his opportunity to hit range balls for two minutes (much less the forty-five minutes he so anally requires). Maybe this whole zen thing is mularky intended to deceive his competitors. I don't know, but it sure didn't help him.
He truly failed to do anything well today. If you make his 12! on number nine a bogey then he would have turned in an 84. However, if "if's and but's" were blowjobs and greats tits, we'd all be happy regardless of our score, now wouldn't we. It was ugly, plain and simple. Sliced drivers. Chip shots into bunkers. Five foot lag putts. I'll tell you one thing that went his way today: luck. He had at least three tee shots hit trees (or a maintenance shed) and get bounced back into play. Bottom line...this kid ain't ready. One word to sum up his game right now: Vulnerable.
His score today: 91.

New Vegas Odds: Drew 1 to 2
Nick 8 to 1
Luna 25 to 1
Anakin 25 to 1

Be sure to catch a video of each of these pretenders.
(After 30 minutes of unsuccessful uploading attempts, I have determined that
the videos have been deemed unsuitable for viewing purposes due to their
harmful content.)

Regretfully,


Dick Straight