Running and Flapping...

Much like Reno Raines, Cupcake is a man on the run. Reno was running from the police due to trumped up murder charges, while Cupcake is running from the Reunion Cup. Cupcake is scared to tee it up due to an alleged case of the shanks! Crying that he could not have the 09 Cup in July due to alleged travel restricts and lack of notice, Cupcake laid down the law and demanded the tournament be held in August. Who know that he had to have his vacation schedule approved by the Supreme Court in Washington and receive congressional approval? Cupcake has to face the field without the assistance of Bobby Sixkiller. A tour player who recently commented on the Cupcake date issue said, "I thought that all lawyers took Friday off. I had no idea that there was so much crime in Buford. I guess that Cupcake is always in court wrecking marriages." I only hope that Cupcake has that Reno toughness and resilience!

Yet another tour player is in the news this week as well. Mr. Right Wing*, the 1st exhibition player, claims, "I am hitting the ball so long I really do not know what to do! I mean, what do you do if you hit your 9 iron 150 yards? It's just hard when I hit the ball so long." The big news from the Right Wing* camp is his huge prediction! Mr. Right Wing recently told a Scotty Illustrated reporter, "...seed me whatever the hell you want! I don't give a rats ass! I will NEVER finish lower than second!" This is big, tough talk from the same man who choked and gave the tournament away 2 years running. Who knows, maybe another tour player sticks those words back down Mr. Right Wing's throat! Now, that is change that I would like to believe in!

Reunion Cup Exhibation Players....

In our historical first online issue of Scotty Illustrated, we released seeds #1 and 2 for the 2009 Reunion Cup. Today we get to see seeds #3 and 4, or the "exhibition players". So without further ado, the first "exhibition player", the #3 seed, for the 09 Cup is...Mr. Right Wing* himself, Drew Money*. Mr. Right Wing* comes into the 09 Cup with a ton of baggage! As he has admitted himself, "I have huge issues with the pucker factor". Mr. Right Wing* does have multiple major championship victories on tour, however, he has also been know to choke in big events. How can we forget last year when he was a HUGE favorite, only to train wreck the entire weekend and gift wrap the Cup for Cupcake! In addition to his mental shortcomings, Mr. Right Wing* is also dealing with the birth of a new child (congratulations!). As we all know, babies have the ability to destroy a fathers golf game. The lack of sleep coupled with the lack of playing can render ones talent obsolete. Drew Money* does come in to this year's major with an asterisk (*). It is very likely that Mr. Right Wing finishes DEAD LAST among the "exhibition players" this year, only due to the birth of Right Wing Jr. We will have to wait and see!!

And finally the #4 seed, Scotty7. Yes, he is last again! It is amazing the he still picks up the golf clubs and plays this sport. Year in and year out he has huge expectations (if only in his own mind), and constantly plays like a 3 year old girl. With his inability to handle pressure, lack of a short game, zero length, and the ability to shank a wedge, Scotty7 is most certainly a fine example of an "exhibition player". However, in an interview with him last week, Scotty7 feels that his game is shaping up for the 09 Cup. "Last year I had zero confidence heading into the Cup. I was spending weeks on end in Chicago for work, spent zero time on the range, and basically just showed up last year. Actually, if you look back at last year's event, I did beat Gayson. He should still be on the back 9 teeing off. The rules were bent in his favor last year due to time. In my mind, he finished last!" Scotty7 has been working on his game with expectations of finishing ahead of Gayson.

So there you have it golf fans, Cupcake holding on to the 1 seed, Gayson at #2 (due mainly to location), Mr. Right Wing* the first Exhibition Player (with a huge possibility of finishing dead last!), and Scotty7 bringing up the rear. The seeds are set, however, there is still no date for the Cup. Odd that the USGA does not check with the players when setting the US Open, they simply pick a date and somehow all the qualifiers manage to show up!

Now Pitching For Your Atlanta Braves....

Tommy Hanson! The latest "great" pitcher for the .500 Braves is the young Southern California righty who weights in at 6"6 and 210lbs. The SoCal kid has reportedly been clocked at 95+ mph with his heater, has a wicked slider, delivers a nasty curve and tosses a pretty good change up to boot. All of this at the minor league level mind you. It is one thing to sit down career double-A and triple-A prospects, but a whole different game in the Show. "Bring me the heat Meat!" This kid sounds a lot like the great Nuke LaLoosh "Ebby Calvin" from Bull Durham. I just hope that he does not have a 10 cent head like Nuke.

No matter how you slice it, the Braves are still a .500 club. This team has zero pop in their lineup! What, are you going to give me Chipper, or maybe McCann? Chipper is constantly hurt with anything from turf toe to a hurt thumb! Great leader in the clubhouse, but not the guy you want hauling the bulk of your offensive load. McCann is a great young player, but his a catcher! He is only going to give you 150 games a season. Yes, he is great for RBI production, just not a huge power threat.

Stay tough Braves fans, it is going to be another long summer! By the way, how 'bout those Detroit Tigers?

The Long Awaited...........

SCOTTY ILLUSTRATED WEBSITE!! After constant requests from fans and media, it has finally arrived.....THE Scotty Illustrated website. As everyone is aware, Scotty Illustrated covers sports unlike any publication or website. Scotty Illustrated is not merely a sports site per se, we also cover religion, politics, and current events just to name a few. And yes, there will a Scotty Illustrated Swimsuit issue!

As everyone is by now well aware, the 2009 Reunion Cup is quickly approaching. This year the Cup will be held in Nashvegas and hosted by Gayson. Although the exact date has yet to be announced (Thank You Cupcake) we can be somewhat certain that it will take place prior to Christmas. The current favorite heading into this year's tournament has to be Cupcake. He has more victories on tour than any other member, and he is not dealing with a new addition to the family this year. A close second is Gayson. I realize that this comes as shock to EVERYONE, but there is reason behind my madness! Gayson is ONLY the current #2 seed if the Cup is held at Forrest Crossing! No single player holds a greater "Home Field Advantage" than Gayson. He friggin' works at the course, knows every single bump and lie, and plays the course every day!! As one member of the tour stated, "He could go out before the tournament and secretly place balls in spots that he frequently hits wayward shots!" Not that anyone is accusing him of cheating (performance enhancing drugs), it was just a thought by a tour player.

Tomorrow I will release seeds 3 and 4.

By the way, the Braves and Frank Wren handled the Tom Glavin issue like douche bags!